A New Commitment

I was sitting around last night contemplating whether or not I should go to the singing service at Downtown COC, while I was switching between Family Guy and A Beautiful Mind on TNT. I was pretty sure I was just going to skip it, when all of the sudden at 8:25 (the service was at 8:30), I had a sudden, urgent feeling that it was really important that I go. So I grabbed my keys and before I even realized it, I was running down the stairs and sprinting to my car. Suddenly I realized that there this wasn't just coming from me, and that maybe God had an important reason for me going to Downtown that night.

Now, I have to explain something. I am a total and complete hopeless romantic. I am one of the few guys that can stand sitting through some romantic chick flicks and I can tend to even really love them. So, in my silly little romantic mind I was thinking that maybe I was supposed to meet some girl at Downtown that night and something magical would happen and we would fall in love or something ridiculous like that. I could even imagine telling the story at our wedding, "And then I had a sudden urge to go to church that night and it was there that I met (insert imaginary name)." I know. I'm ridiculous.

But, thankfully, God had different plans for me last night.

I went to church and enjoyed the songs, and everything was great. Then the guy who was leading the communion devotional was talking about how he grew up in the church, went to college, and started working in pharmacy, making lots of money and having everything going for him. But, he talked about how there was some distance between him and God. He realized that his job was getting in the way of his relationship with God. So, the next day, he put in his two-week notice and a few months later moved to India to do mission work there. He talked about when he was working in the pharmacy, it was as if he was on one end of a table and Jesus was on the other far end. But when he moved to India, it was as if Jesus came and sat right beside him. As I was listening to this, a very real and burning thought started coming into my mind. Something was also getting in the way of my relationship with God. Something that I needed to give over to him in order that I could fully come into his presence.

As I said before, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've enjoyed being single and I've enjoyed playing the field and dating around, meeting new people, having great conversations, and having lots of fun. But there's also that romantic side of me that still desires a long-term relationship. And unfortunately, sometimes I tend to dwell on that side. There have been times that I've been frustrated and stressed out by the whole dating scene, times that I've subjected myself to ridiculously awkward dates to girls that I wasn't even all that interested in in the first place (perhaps hoping for that "magic spark" to happen), many times that I've immediately went to check my facebook as soon as I've entered the room, hoping to seen an "Inbox (1)" or wall post, times when I've let dating affect my mood, and sadly times that I've neglected my thoughts and relationship with God because my thoughts are on dating. It's all ridiculous, but this is what happens when you allow two sisters, romantic comedies, Christian dating books, and the Harding marriage factory to affect you.

I realized that this had to change and that it was getting in the way of my relationship with God. Something had to be done. So as soon as church was over I made the 20 minute drive to the cliffs at Letona so I could have some alone time to pray to God. You have to walk up this small mountain to get to the cliffs, and I had only been up it once. There was no moon, so I was going up with only the light from my cell phone leading the way, doing some semi-hard core rock climbing, and trying not to fall off and die. I tried to get up to the cliffs but I realized I had missed them and somehow ended up going down the mountain and to the other side of the lake. Oh well. So I sat by the water of the lake and had some time to talk and meditate with God. I looked in my pocket bible and turned to Psalm 86 and in it I read verses 11-13,

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;

I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

I realized it was time for me to have a truly undivided heart. So, I believe the Spirit put something on my heart and I'm ready to commit to it. Now, don't worry, I'm not going Catholic priest and making a life-long vow of celibacy. But I have decided that I'm not going to date/pursue a relationship for the rest of Junior year. I'm going to be intentionally single until at least next May and let that be a sacrifice of praise to God. I want to give this next semester fully to God with an undivided heart and let him be in control of it. All the time that I spend thinking about/pursuing relationships, I want to spend serving God and other people.

Gee Dylan, you might say (and I might have said a few weeks ago), a large number of people find their significant other at college. You only have three semesters left in college, and now you're limiting yourself to two? Yes I am. Because I believe that whatever God wants to happen in that department is going to happen. I may date someone senior year or I may actually make it out of the marriage factory single, and I'm perfectly okay with that. I'm still a romantic, and I still hope that one day I can find that special person. But I know that God has plans for my life and he's going to guide it wherever it needs to go.

Earlier this semester, I might have been really frustrated at making this commitment. But I'm actually really really excited about it. After the rich young ruler in Mark 10 refuses to sell everything he has and give it to the poor, Jesus says:

"no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life."

I know that dating/girlfriends is not on that list, but I know that there can be a lot of blessings that come from this decision. I think this next semester is going to be filled with laughter and deep friendships and community and fun and excitement. There is going to be more time to serve and to love and to reach out to the poor and needy. Hopefully, I'll have a better attitude and be filled with more energy, joy, and peace. I am so excited for what God possibly has in store for me in this next semester.

Now, I want to make clear that I am definitely not saying all this so that I can puff myself up in some way or show myself to be righteous. I am just saying this to praise God for what he is doing and also so that you guys can help keep me accountable. Okay, glad we got that out of the way.

One last story about last night. When I got done praying to God beside the lake, I started making my way back, and I went up the mountain a little bit and suddenly I was right at the cliffs that I had previously been aiming for. It was almost as if God was telling me "You've been trying to get somewhere going your own way. But if you trust in me, I'm going to bring you where you need to be." I looked up, and since there was no clouds and no moon, I saw the most beautiful night sky I had ever seen. I could see all the constellations, the milky way, and an innumerable amount of stars. I just laid down on the cliffs and softly sang Blessed Be The Name of the Lord to myself. I knew that a God who could create all that I saw before me, could surely take care of me and guide me where he wants me to be. As that beautiful song says, "You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name!"